You guys win.

Have your “John convinces them to have a beach wedding” fic

Title: I Do

Characters: Dave, John, Tavros, mentions of Bro

Warnings: PG for swearing and mentioning of sexy lingerie

Summary: I gave myself cavities writing this

“Dude, wait. You’re actually serious.”

“Uh, yeaaaah? I’ve been serious this whole time!”

“This isn’t a joke.”

“Dave, come on. Would I joke about something this serious?”

“Holy fucking shit. No. I take back all my sarcastic encouragement that I threw into the world unknowingly. All of it.”

“But it would be so romantic! Dude, you know, deep down, there was no sarcasm when you laid out the scene.”

“No, it was all sarcasm. Sarcasm and irony.”

“No way. I saw that twinkle in your eye as you described Tavros waiting at the alter for you, squirming in his linen button up shirt and his khaki slacks, toes wiggling in the sand, the bright blue sky and deep green ocean accenting his rusty colored eyes as he sees you, and that shy smile that is full of all the love for you, and soon his eyes are misting—”

“John. Stop.”

“And since we’re now talking seriously, you don’t have to wear the slinky dress, but you’d still be in all white – an all-white tux, because that’s ironic, right? And you’d have to leave off the shades, and all Tavros would be looking at is your brilliant red eyes, and before either of you knew what was going on, the Jamaican priest would be asking Tavros if he’ll take you to be his lawfully wedded husband—”

“I’m not even going to ask why he’s Jamaican, and skip right into the fact that Tavros and I are just going to go into the courthouse tomorrow and sign the paperwork, couple signatures and we’re out.”

Suddenly, John has his hands planted on the sides of Dave’s face, staring him straight in the eyes.

“And when Tavros opens his mouth, at first his voice catches, and he has to cough and take a deep breath, because he’s all choked up with all his feelings for you, and everyone in the audience smiles and a chorus as ‘Aww’ catches on the breeze while Bro is wiping away his manly tears. And then finally, Tavros reaches out to grab your hand, and he whispers, so quiet that only you’ll hear him, hear as his voice wobbles with emotion, ‘I do.’”

“John,” Dave starts, but he notices that his voice is not the monotone it should have been, and so he stops. But John has already caught on, and that knowing grin warns of the battle that Dave is looking to lose.

“You know what comes next, right, Dave? The priest is turning to you now. The sun has started to set now, and the sunrays are bathing Tavros in oranges and reds and purples around the edges, and you can barely even hear the priest over how your heart is pounding because Tavros just said he wants to be your husband, and he’s gorgeous, and he is looking at you with more love than you even knew could exist, and all you hear is the priest’s upward inflection as he finishes his bit. You know what to say next.”

Dave swallows hard.

“I do.”

The harsh slap to his shoulder brings Dave out of his moment, and John is smiling at him so widely, it looks as if his face is going to split in half. “Awesome! Then you go get packed for two weeks of honeymoon in Hawaii. Don’t worry about anything else, because I have it all taken care of. You just make sure you’re ready in two hours when I pick you up, ok?”

“What?”

“We don’t have time for questions, Dave! Your suitcase is waiting in your bedroom, and I’ve got the plane ticket, and your plane is leaving in, oh man, three hours. I take it back, you have an hour tops. I hadn’t expected traffic from Tavros’ place to be so heavy.”

“Wait, John, what the fuck are you talking about?”

John rolls his eyes.

“Um, duh? We have a wedding to get you to!”

Dave raises a brow over his shades.

“Whose?”

John grabs Dave by the shoulder and is physically dragging him out of the kitchen and towards his bedroom. “Jeeeez, dude, you’re so slow today! Your wedding. Remember?”

“John, wait, I’m not having a wedding in Hawaii.”

“But you are, because it is all ready to go, and you definitely like the idea, so you’re not going to let it all go to waste, right?”

“Ok, the fact that you are fucking mental aside, you realize that this isn’t just my wedding. I’m not marrying myself, man. I have to ask my special lady if he’s—”

“Dave, he’s already packing.”

“What.”

John sighs and says, “I just said I came from there. It can’t be hard to put two and two together.”

“Holy shit. You pulled this shit on him too.”

“He sobbed like a baby and didn’t need to be told twice to get ready. This wedding is so happening, Dave. It’s just time for you to admit that you have jumped onboard and are ready to exchange vows in front of all your loved ones.”

“John, how long have you been planning this?”

“From the beginning.”

“Who all was in on it?”

“Everyone.”

“Christ, I hate you all so much.”

“And you are head over heels in love with Tavros, right?”

“John—”

“And then the exchange of rings—”

“Are you even doing this pretend wedding in the right order? And we don’t have any rings—”

“Don’t worry, your Bro got some made for you. No plush rumps. Scouts honor.”

“You weren’t ever an actual boy scout—”

“And then, as the breeze catches Tavros’ carefully combed hair, ruffling it so that all you want to do is get your fingers in there and comb it back, brush it from his face, the priest pronounces you husbands, and Tavros is tearing up again, and man, all you want to do is wipe those tears away too. And then finally, finally, the priest tells you that you can kiss the groom, and Tavros and you share a look and chuckle, because with that accent, there’s only one thing you can think of. You lean in close, fingers cradling his face, and ask, ‘You ready to kiss the girl?’ And he is, and—”

“John.”

“Yeah, bro?”

“Fine. You win. We’ll have the beach wedding.”

John grins.

“I knew you wanted better than some stuffy courthouse.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Go gloat somewhere else. I have to pack all my sexy lingerie, and I can’t have you ogling that when it’s special for my husbando-to-be.”

“No problem! I’ll just go see how Tavros is doing, and come back for you before hitting the airport.”

Dave nods, waiting for John to leave before falling face-first into his mattress.

He is going to have a beach wedding.

One second he is going to make it all low-key, no big deal, just signing the legal work. The next, he is pulling out all the stops, because everyone around him refuses to just let him do things the easy way.

His cellphone buzzes.

sO, jOHN SAYS YOU, sAID YES,

yeah hes a persistent bastard

i already have my panties packed

oH, bUT, aRE YOU REALLY OK, wITH THIS,

Dave pauses for only a second.

more than ok

john actually has good ideas sometimes

hAHA, yEAH, i THOUGHT SO, tOO,

i LOVE YOU,

Dave smiles and he knows that he should have known he was a goner from the start.

love you too babe

looking forward to saying those magical words on the beach while the sun sets over the horizon

dAVE, i THINK YOU LISTENED TO jOHN, a BIT TOO MUCH,

whatever

you know you look forward to it too

yEAH, i DO,

uHH,

Dave chuckles and starts to seriously pack, aware that he will be counting down the seconds until he will get to hear those words and kiss that mouth and know it belongs to him.

Sometimes, John has some amazing ideas.