Alright, still haven’t had ANY time to write much (being in a new country can do that to a Brodad), so have some more filler that has been gathering dust on my computer.
Because we all know you wanted some sadstuck with a side of bittersweetstuck.
You know it to be true.
Title: Not His
Characters/Pairings: Tavros, Doomed!Dave, Alpha!Dave, Tavros/Doomed!Dave AND Tavros/Alpha!Dave
Warnings/rating: PG-16/soft R for language, references to sexual behavior, vaguely described sexual content.
Summary: Tavros had to remind himself everyday that this Dave was not his Dave.
Tavros had to remind himself everyday that this Dave was not his Dave.
All the other trolls that had been brought back from the bubbles had been more than happy to be alive again. There was of course fighting within the group about who killed who. It was a miracle that there did not have to be a second round of reviving newly murdered trolls. But nevertheless, they were happy enough to be back. They had no attachments to anything in the bubbles really, since all they had seen and known was their own memories.
None of them had gotten to know a doomed Dave.
They had met one or two, no doubt. There were more Daves than anyone cared to count. And most of the trolls had met the Dave that Tavros met when he entered his bubble, and whom he got to know and room with. But they only really were acquaintances with him. They had not shared an apartment with him, or gotten through residual trauma from having died with him, or slept in his bed with him.
None of them had fallen in love with a doomed Dave.
Tavros’ heart broke when he learned he was being brought back. He had even tried to insist that he could stay there in the bubble with Dave. He fought so hard to stay. Aradia was about to let him, but it was Dave himself who would not allow it. He refused to keep the troll from being able to return to reality. He refused to tie him down to their bubble.
He refused to let Tavros stay when he could have so much more than the dinky apartment and his doomed ass.
When Tavros argued that it was more than enough because Dave was there, the teenager had laughed.
“There’s a Dave back in reality too. You’ve already managed to tame me, so it should be easier the second time around. Go get that alpha Dave.”
Doomed Dave hated it just as much as Tavros, but he was unrelenting. Aradia had to drag Tavros out, dodging his fists and horns as he fought tooth and nail.
But still, he found himself back with all the other living trolls.
This Dave was not the Dave that Tavros had fallen in love with.
They were in theory the same teenager. Same body, same humor, same poker face and layers upon layers of denial that he labeled cool. But the moment came when Dave walked over, looked him up and down, and asked with the same mouth that just minutes before had kissed him goodbye, “So, you’re the really lame troll, right?”
It broke Tavros’ heart all over again.
But the troll put on a weak smile and introduced himself to Dave. It was during that introduction that Tavros decided that he would not fall in love with this new Dave. So similar, but what was most important was missing. This Dave did not know him, had not rapped with him, had not cuddled with him on the couch watching movies he thought were dumb because Tavros enjoyed them. This Dave did not love him.
It was far easier said than done.
In fact, it was impossibly hard compared to how easy it was to think or say he would not fall in love with this Dave. It was impossible to not always look at him. It was impossible to not reach out to touch before realizing it was not the right Dave. It was impossible to not be drawn to him, to talk with him, even as it hurt when he had to hear stories he had already heard once upon a time while curled up under bed sheets.
It was impossible to say no when Dave asked him if he had a thing for him.
It was impossible to not accept his propositions, to not yield to kisses and caresses, and find himself right where he was at that moment. To find himself here time and time again.
Tavros sighed as he clutched his pillow to his chest, watching Dave as he slept in. The troll had always woken up before his human companion, and when Dave was asleep, there was no way to know that the two Daves were different. This Dave could easily be the same one that he had confessed to so long ago.
There was to be no such confession here. Tavros was fairly certain that any attempts to engage this Dave in anything that was not sexual would end in further heartbreak.
But it was so hard to not want to, even as he tried to remind himself that those were feelings for another Dave, and not this one.
It was hard to deny that he did not know which Dave he meant when he cried out anymore.
Everything was too confusing in reality.
“What’s the sad look for?” Tavros blinked and glanced over at Dave who was laid out on his side, chin resting on his hand. His expression was flat, but his tone sincere, slipping under his carefully constructed façade of uncaring due to his sleepy, newly woken state.
Tavros hated how well he could read Dave.
“Uh, nothing, really,” Tavros managed, rubbing at his eyes like he was brushing sleep from them when really, he was making sure there were no tears. “Just thinking, I guess.”
“I don’t think you would find it interesting.”
Tavros squeezed his pillow tighter to his chest, unable to look at Dave at that moment. “It’s just, uh, remembering stuff from before.”
“Just, you know, stuff.”
“From when?” Dave was unrelenting, nothing moving besides his mouth. He had started to ask more and more questions of late, but had never asked them so blatantly. It was unnerving.
It was almost as if he genuinely cared to know about Tavros’ past and what was bothering him.
“No time in particular.”
“Bullshit. Try again.”
“What, no, you can’t just turn down my answer.”
“I just did because it was bullshit. So try again, and this time, try the truth.”
Tavros looked away.
“Maybe I don’t want to really talk about it.”
It was quiet, and for a brief moment, Tavros thought that the conversation was over. However, that hope – or was it fear? – died shortly thereafter as Dave sat up and moved in on the troll. All that stood between Tavros’ bare body and Dave’s was his pillow, which he clutched all the tighter. “Uh, Dave?”
The teenager did not speak until he had the troll pinned against the wall and brushed his chapped lips against Tavros’ ear. “Alright, I get it. It’s personal. Moaning out my name as I fuck you into Cloud Nine is no big deal as long as we don’t get personal, right?”
Tavros knew he was starting to blush something fierce, making it even more difficult to handle what that mouth was doing to him. “No, that’s not what I mean. It’s just complicated, so I can’t really talk about it.”
“Try me.” When Dave nibbled on his neck like that, it was hard for Tavros to even try to think. Every day, Dave was finding all those special spots that had once been charted out by another Dave.
“Dave, I just can’t. It’s sort of – ah – weird and you maybe don’t want to know—”
“It’s me, isn’t it?”
The only thing that tipped Tavros off that this was getting serious was how the teenager was no longer toying with his neck, but simply hovered over his skin, his breath ghosting across it.
“Uh, I don’t know what you mean?”
“Fuck, it’s not that hard to piece together.”
There were no shades on the teenager’s face, but still, Dave kept a neutral look, even as he pulled away and stared Tavros right in the eyes.
“I know you were shacked up with one of my doomed selves. It’s not a secret. No one talks about it much, but based on the pieces dropped here and there, it sounds like the two of you were pretty close. The sad look you get sometimes makes it pretty obvious your troll heart has been crushed, and the fact that you get it when looking at me makes it obvious who you’re mourning.”
Tavros’ stomach dropped.
“Can we please not get into that right now?”
“Tavros, just fess up already.”
“Uhh, about what?” Tavros quietly asked, unable to take the eye contact and turning his head away. “Why does it matter that maybe I was roommates with a doomed Dave?”
Dave took a hold of the troll’s horn and pulled until Tavros was forced to face him again. He leaned in close, leaving him nowhere to look except at gorgeous red eyes.
“You were in love with my dead self.” It was not a question. It was a statement.
Tavros, for all of two seconds, tried to protest. He tried to lie. He tried to say anything at all. But all he could do was bite his lip and fight back the wave of emotions threatening to overtake him.
But Dave simply kept waiting until Tavros found a few words.
“Yes. I am.”
It was a flurry of movement then. Dave captured Tavros’ mouth whilst his hands grabbed and ripped the pillow from his hold. There was no chance to protest the body pressing into his, insistent fingers touching and grabbing and holding. It was raw in a way that Tavros had never seen this Dave act. He did not slow down even when he sliced his lip on one of the troll’s sharp teeth.
Even their blood tasted the same.
Dave’s hands were roaming lower, claiming abs and hips and thighs in their wake. Tavros’ body quivered under their touch. Blunt, human teeth caught on his ear as Dave muttered, “I’m here with you, right? I’m here.” Words emphasized by fingers all but digging inside Tavros, pulling startled moans from him. “What’s the point in mourning over some dead dude when you have the real fucking deal with his dick out ready to give it to you right here?”
What started as shuddering pants turned slowly into laughter that bubbled up from somewhere deep inside Tavros. So inappropriate to the situation, to Dave’s feelings, to this outburst, but it could not be stopped. Dave stilled his hands and glowered at the troll.
“The fuck? I spill my heart and you laugh? Thanks, buddy.”
“No, it’s not that,” Tavros promised, smiling as he attempted to stop his snickers. “Just, uh, wow, I can’t believe you’re jealous of yourself.”
Even with his fingers lodged inside Tavros’ body, Dave found a way to just then start blushing. It was just like Dave to find nothing embarrassing about sex and everything embarrassing about emotions and feelings.
Tavros had always found it endearing.
“Shut up,” Dave grumbled irritably. Before Tavros could press him on it though, everything was in motion again, pushing him against the wall and pushing inside his body and when the troll moaned out Dave’s name, he truly meant the one there with him.
How could Tavros keep himself from falling in love with a Dave that had feelings for him? The painful warmth he felt remembering his first Dave would always be there, but perhaps it would be alright to place a new, tender heat next to it.
Perhaps this was alright.
He hoped that no one would judge him for loving two Daves.
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